Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Happy TwinTuesday! Birth Order?

Hi! TwinHappyJen here with another TwinTuesday! :-)

This post is a bit long-winded so, if you're pressed for time (or just don't feel like reading my ramblings :-p), please feel free to scroll to the bottom for the QOTW.

However, I'd just like to say, today is actually a personally special day for me. Even though the girls' 5th birthday was actually a month ago, on May 1st, June 1st is the day I celebrate as the day I really became a Mom.

While they were in the NICU, I of course visited them every day. Well, I actually a missed a couple of days in the middle because I developed a breast infection. I think it was somehow due to the constant pumping I was doing, and I, again, ended up layed-up with a 102 degree fever. But, other than that, I made my way there every single day... spent as much time as I could... and really did more than I probably should have since I was still recovering from my C-section. (I drove earlier than my doctor told me to... always had to park a mile away at the hospital, so did A LOT of uncomfortable walking :-p)

However, one of the most stressful things about them being in the hospital, was the fact that, I didn't really feel like their Mom yet. Their primary givers were the nurses. I just felt like a visitor. It's hard to explain that first month... a lot of it was just a blur for me. But, about this time 5 years ago, I received the news: the girls were going to be released on June 1st! Much earlier then expected (since they were 10 weeks premature).

As much as the previous month had been a blur, I remember that car ride home with crystal clarity: I was scared out of my mind :-p For the first time, the girls weren't hooked up to any machines and I remember feeling, "How am I supposed to know that they're still breathing, and that their hearts are still beating, without the beeps of the machine??" :-p We, of course, had to put them rear-facing, in the back of our car. So, I just kept reaching back, trying to get them to squeeze my fingers, so I knew they were still OK. We only lived about 10-15 minutes away from the hospital, but it was the longest 10-15 minutes of my life :-p

Finally, though, we made it home... and sure enough, they were safe and sound in the back seat. And, after that... well, things get blurry again :-p BUT, from that moment on, I was their Mom. I mean, I always was... but, now I was their primary (and pretty much only) caregiver. And, my bond with them grew both quickly and deeply from that moment on...

So, June 1st is a special day for me, personally. May 1st is their birthday, but I celebrate June 1st as my Mom-iversary :-p

Anyway, onto the QOTW!

The other day, I came across this article about birth order (and love choices so, it's a bit on the shallow/cutesy-side, for lack of a better description, but still interesting) and, it got me to thinking....

I've always been very interested in birth-order theories... I have always believed that birth order can at least be a very good indicator for someone's personality.

Me: I'm a firstborn. I have 2 brothers and a sister, all younger than me (by 3, 5 and 7 years respectively). And, like many firstborns, from a pretty young age, I was often left "in charge" of my younger siblings. Unfortunately, that led to a "me against them" (and vice-versa) mentality/relationship between us. But, it did also instill a strong "take charge" attitude in me. I have always strived to find my own way, take care of myself, cut my own path... which is sometimes a good thing... sometimes, maybe not so much :-p

The only person with whom I tend to let those tendencies fall by the wayside a bit, is my husband, Dave :-p He is a lastborn, with MANY older sisters and brothers. His family's a bit complicated... he's actually the only product of both his biological mother and father, but he has many half and step siblings, that may or may not have lived with him at some point. But, he is the last of all those siblings and, as the article pointed out, can have a tendency to be "easygoing, spontaneous, used to being noticed and fussed over, charming, and manipulative." And, I mean that in the nicest possible sense... really! :-p Many times, I do want, and will let him take the lead... I had a bit of a domineering Father, and I think sometimes I just get a little insecure about my own abilities. But, I think most of the time, I prefer to take the lead... and my husband even prefers that I take the lead (as long as he gets what he wants :-p)

ANYWAY, of course, a wrench kind of gets thrown into the works when it comes to twins. Even though Josie was technically born one minute before Anna, they're really the same age. Heck, for about the first week after conception, they were simply one fertilized zygote :-p And, since the only other children in the picture are their MUCH older half-brother and sister (my stepkids are now 19 and 17, respectively), they're pretty much just another couple of grown-ups in the house, to the girls. So, there's no real birth order dynamics taking place... in fact, they're kind of like two only children... taking on qualities of both first and last born children.

I know in some twin relationships, regardless of technical birth order, one twin will become the more dominant twin... but, that really doesn't seem to be the case with Anna and Josie. For awhile I thought Anna might be, just because in the beginning, she was developing a bit faster than Josie (leftover complications from the TTTS), but now that they've evened out that way, there truly does not seem to be a more dominant twin. They certainly have their differences... Josie tends to be a bit more sociable, while Anna likes to go off and do her own thing. But, when it comes to the dynamics between them, sometimes one will take the lead, sometimes the other will... but, they do seem to be true equals, in every sense. Which again, can be a good thing... but, sometimes it does lead to power struggles between them :-p

What about your experience, though? Just like everybody, every set of twins is different. Does there seem to be a more dominant twin? And incidentally, does it seem to correspond to their "technical" birth order in any way?

Feel free to leave your answer in the comments below... or, answer on your blog and leave a link to your post in the linky below! (And feel free to add the blog hop code to your blog post, as well!)

P.S. You can also feel free to talk about anything you'd like in the TwinTuesday posting on your own blog... the QOTW is just meant as a discussion starter, but you're certainly not restricted to that as a topic :-)

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