Thursday, December 16, 2010

My story...

I have the wonderful opportunity to be a mother of twins, but before that I was a mom to one child, here in the twin world referred to as a "singleton".  Crazy how life can take such a twist, and a mother of one is instantly transferred into a mother of three boys, and a mother of multiples.  Hard to explain the emotions behind it, I am so proud and happy to be a twin mama, but there are times I feel my oldest gets lost in the chaos of it all.  For nine years he was a single child with all the perks, now he shares the spotlight with two little brothers who are quite demanding and time consuming.  So as I have had my struggles through the first year, then through the toddler stages with multiples, I have to remember so has he.  He has had to sacrifice many of the fun things we used to enjoy as a small family of three, his mom was always there on time and well prepared, now he has a frazzled mother who is rarely on time and not near as prepared as she once was for him.  Sadly this is a reality of our family now, no matter how hard I try to keep this family on track and running full force, there are things I can't do, I can't be there for, and I can't get that one on one time that we once had.  So here is my latest "failure", My oldest had his Winter program for school, I dropped him off a half hour early to get prepared as he was supposed to, then came home to finish getting the rest of the troops ready, just to arrive  seven minutes late, yes just seven minutes.  In that seven minutes I had missed the entire percussion band performance, I still can't believe it, the very first time I wasn't there for him, the sadness and guilt that I felt was horrible.  So once again here I am trying not to lay blame on the twins, but dang they just wouldn't cooperate and for that a price was paid, my poor 11-year-old played his drum for a gym full of people thinking his mom and dad were out there somewhere watching, just to find out in the end they had missed it all.  I can't imagine how he felt, he played it off like no biggy mom, but I know it hurt, I know he felt let down, just as he does when dad can no longer go to soccer games because he is watching the twins while mama coaches.  I tell my self this will end, there will be a day the twins are not so difficult, the will gladly stand by mama  and dad to watch big brother do all his events, I just hope it comes soon.  I swear I told myself I wouldn't let this happen, but try as I might they just won't work with me, they are toddlers, they are demanding, want it their way and on their own time, they are not what you would call "easy" by any means.  So here I am with tremendous guilt weighing down on me once again, how on earth do I cope, how do I be there for all of them, and how on earth do I get these twins to behave, listen, and cooperate with me, ugh I suppose the time will come.  I love them all, and I will continue to push on and try to be the best mom I can be for all three of them, I will try to be that wonderful there for everything mom I used to be once again, I just hope and pray that my oldest understand how I try, and how much I love him.  Having twins is a wonderful experience, but there are struggles I am still trying to master, going from a mom of one to a mom of three, and being there for all of them when they need me.

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly how you feel. Thank you for being so honest. I too, have a singleton then twins and now a newborn. Your post brought me to tears. Stay strong and know you are not alone!


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